Saturday, 24 June 2017

Know when you are not wanted...Ouch!!

Rejection, Ostracism, exclusion, are not nice, they are unpleasant in every way, and leaves a bad taste in one's mouth, and a negative mental scar.
What do we do, when we have experienced some form of the above? recognise the hurt it causes, accept the pain, forgive, move on.  Forgiving takes time, and can keep you on an emotional roller coaster, and then after that, the question is whether or not reconciliation is necessary.  However the fear of being rejected again, ostracised, or excluded is there, creeping behind the wings.  That is when we have to 'know when we are not wanted'.
This can be by anyone, family, community members, fellow parishioners.  Sometimes it is hard to believe that this rejection can take place amongst the former and the latter, however this is true.  Sometimes, there is no valid reason for rejection, it is simply a dislike of one person of another, other reasons could be feelings of threat.
Knowing when you are not wanted, is a painful acknowledgment, but it helps to put things into perspective, if you don't know you are not wanted, you will continually fight to be included, and become upset when you are not, you will wonder why another is liked or given more attention and focus than yourself, and you will relive and regurgitate the pain and hurt continually. By knowing you are not wanted, you will work towards your own self healing, acceptance and begin to move forward.
Earlier this year, I sat in a forum with family members, the meeting was unpleasant and  I found myself confused and disappointed, particularly as my good intentions were met with criticism, I could not be understood, and I did not understand the mindset of others.  A few hours later, I knelt before God, I struggled as to what to say, then He presented an image before me, of a woman in a black hooded cloak, miles too big for her, she began to walk and as she did so, she shed one, then two, then three cloaks, each time the cloak got brighter, and whiter, until it was glowing, and fit perfectly.  I got off my knees feeling a lot more reassured that there are times when we need to shed the rejection, and embrace what lies ahead.

Jesus illustrates this in the Bible, there are two occasions when he tells His disciples to "know when they are not wanted" He said in Matthew 10:14, that "If you are not welcomed in the city, or house you visit, shake the dust off your feet and move on", what was he saying here really, simply, move on, don't waste your time and energy, don't plead and beg, don't be a chaser, or beggar; don't try to make someone love you, like you, keep you, befriend you, "know when you are not wanted".
Keep going, even when you feel broken
On another occasion He went into a Village,  He, our King, our Healer, and our Friend, He wasn't wanted because He didn't quite meet the expectations of the Villagers in Samaria, (Luke 9:51). Jesus knew when He was not wanted and though his disciples wanted to exact revenge, and vent their anger, Jesus said, 'leave it, come on. Let's go forward'
And that's what we have to do it. Leave it alone and go forward, as hard as it is to cope with the emotional mental and physical pain, that is what we have to do. 
If you have ever been rejected, then you know what your rejection of another may feel like. 
If you have ever been excluded or ostracised, then know what your ostracism or exclusion of others may feel like.
Of course there could be an opportunity to make good what is bad, but don't seek this if you are still being treated the same way.  "Know when you are not wanted and move on".

Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Every Flower is not a Fruit

So there they were, in abundance, laden with white and pink flowers. I was excited.  Plenty pears this year, and plenty plums, too.  Yes, jam, juice, and fruit.  But as I watched, they began to fall, each day, there seemed to be less and less on the trees, what was happening, who was knocking them off?
The slugs got a bashing and the so did the wind..

I stopped bragging with gardening ignorance, "NO, every flower is NOT a fruit".  I no longer felt proud to say the opposite, because it wasn't true.  Sometimes the same is for us humans.

We look good, show vibrant colours of beautiful character, we feed the" buzzing human bees" with what they want from us, but then, when we have given of ourselves we disintegrate, what do we really need to keep going? to become a fruit?
Good tender care
Good soil 
Strong roots 
Good covering
Supporting net..(work)
Shelter from the storms, great and small

What then am I left with? a small harvest, I need to nurture what I am left with, I need it surrounded and protected, I need to cherish and nourish, it.

So then what do I expect of my tree? an abundance the following year; I want to say, "Every Flower is a Fruit", I know I will lose some, I want to lose those that are weak and spindly, meaningless because they are not supposed to be there, so then "Every (remaining) Flower is a Fruit".  I don't want to hang on to them with the hope that they will become a fruit, for then they will interfere with the growth of the real fruit that needs to emerge.

Yes, I want "My flowers to be Fruit".  What about you?

Unique You

When I was a child I did not like to smile and show my teeth.  The gap that was displayed between my teeth upon opening my mouth was a representation of a 'cheeky child' so, culturally expressed, and very much so by my primary carer.  I didn't want to be cheeky because that denoted me being rude, and disrespectful, it was a negative and I remember feeling, something, not quite sure what it was, but I know I didn't like the feeling. I have many memories of pursed lips in photographs, and smiles that were carefully manufactured. 
Then one day,  a dentist whom I visited said to me, on the first visit how beautiful my teeth were, the gaps in between made it easier for him to clean, and also kept out unsightly food that would likely get stuck in my teeth.  I smiled as I left the dentist. Gradually I began to part my lips slightly as I smiled. Then some years later,  unbeknown to me I was caught by a total stranger who saw me relaxed and smiled as I walked into the store with my children; His expression was 'Wow you have a beautiful smile' He made my day, and my life.

But then there was; my voice, often the question was asked; and still is;
"Why do you talk like that?"
"Are you posh, did you go to a private school?"
"Where are you from? where were you born?"
"Why do you sound like that?"
I didn't know anything was wrong with the way I sounded, I didn't think I sounded posh, I certainly did not put on any airs and graces, I just spoke. My father always used to correct my use of words, like 'water' not 'wawder' and regularly reminded me to 'speak the Queen's English'. I thought he was preparing me to be accepted in the big wide world of words and language; but over time it became a burden, the questioning and assumptions; so if I didn't have to talk, I didn't. I listened to my voice on the tapes, and hated hearing myself.  I didn't want to be judged, so I tried to insert some 'common tones' it didn't sound right.....until someone said to me;  "I love your voice, it's calm and soothing, I could listen to you all day"
I decided to turn things around for myself, and recognise my uniqueness.  Sometimes our uniqueness interferes with others perception of us, it clouds their thinking and they judge by what they see and hear, so I guess for a long time, I was a 'cheeky snob', but actually, I'm not. 
I'm quite an ordinary person,(what ever that is, unique), just like you.
I am who God has made me, with  gaps in my teeth, and a voice that is soothing.  I see both as a positive affirmation of my uniqueness...if they are criticised, is the critique saying, I want you to look and sound like me? so then should we ALL look the same, have the same tone of voice, walk, think, behave the same? if we did how socially poor we would be?
In Psalm 139:14...God says of me that I am 'Fearfully and wonderfully made", He saw me when I was in the formation stage in the womb. "Fearfully and wonderfully", I like that, my uniqueness makes me who I am, and I want to say to YOU, ....YES YOU, You too are fearfully and wonderfully made, don't  let anyone tell you otherwise, you are your unique you.

Sunday, 7 May 2017

One Less!

"One less person to avoid...
one less person to ignore...
one less person to ridicule...
one less person to insult...
one less person to cater for...
one less person to abuse...
one less person to think about...
one less person to manipulate...
one less person to ostracise..."

In Luke chapter 15,  Jesus talks about a Shepherd who had a great number of sheep.  They must have had different characteristics, behaviour, mannerisms. I imagine there were some whom he would sigh about on a daily basis, as well as those who gave him a lot of joy- but he cared for all of them.

We know that because one day when he was counting he  checked and noticed the numbers did not add up, one was missing.

The Shepherd was not happy.  He secured the other sheep ensuring that they were tucked safely in the pen and unable to wander off. He assured them he would be back, and set out to find the one that was missing.  

It wasn't a quick experience, in fact he had to travel some distance, and sometimes certain parts of the journey was pretty rough; not once however did he feel like giving up, he was determined. He kept going; until he heard a feeble moan.  He stopped.  He listened; and there beside a small brook was his sheep, laying wounded amongst a pile of rubbish someone had carelessly discarded.

In anxious desperation and fear for the life of the sheep, the Shepherd quickly and carefully moved towards the sheep, checked his injuries, picked him up and placed him gently over his shoulders. It didn't matter that carrying him this way was a little awkward, it didn't matter that he had to take the same route back, rough in some places, smooth in others; he had to take his sheep home. He knew that it needed tender care, a time for recuperation, for healing, but he also knew that being with the others whom he had so lovingly nurtured would help this sheep's recovery.

For him, this wasn't One less sheep to think about...this was One more encouragement to care

Saturday, 15 April 2017

Toxins and Poisons- a challenge!

Toxin's should be eliminated from the body, and poison's kill the body. 
It does not take a medical PhD to know that, it is something we hear as we progress through life. 
"Time to detox, time to get rid of the toxin's...drink plenty of water.....flush out your system....have a green diet..." so we know; and then there's the poisons; "Don't eat that, it will kill you....keep away from that the stem only.....make sure it's properly prepared......etc...etc... so we have enough to keep us from harming ourselves, by elimination and avoidance.
Yet we can poison ourselves, and allow toxins in other ways,  particularly through our minds. When we think, our thoughts are made up of good and bad.  Our thoughts are affected by what we see, hear, do, experience, and sometimes those things that we see, hear, do and experience are negative, and we find it difficult to let go of them. 
They consume our thinking and poison our positive thought process.  They become insurmountable, and cripple us. ... but we entertain them at times; because we want to.  It's a little like drug abuse; addiction is the word, and the temporary pleasure it gives allows for a euphoric experience,  but it is impermanent and meanwhile the toxins are poisoning the body. 
In the end, it is difficult to do without.  You wake with the thought, you sleep, eat, drink, wash, work, play with the thought, it has become an addiction and though you try to eliminate the thought; you like it really, because it's pleasurable.   Does this sound familiar?.
So then, imagine your negative thoughts as a long before your mind becomes haggard, unhealthy, dark, confused; your ability to process good thoughts begin to deteriorate? because that is what happens. 
I wrote some while ago about T'njapela, (Phillipians 4:8)  I feel in our current climate where our minds are exposed and open to all sorts of information, primarily through the media and social net work, that we have to be reminded of those toxins and poisonous elements that are mind destroying...To help us a long the way, Titus 1:15 says: "To him that is pure, all things are pure, but to him that is defiled nothing is pure for even their very mind is defiled"
Romans 8:28 says: "For we know all things work together for good to them that love God" and  remember...
"Don't be conformed to (the thinking of The World) but be transformed with a  renewed mind" Romans 12:1
Do your best to get rid of the toxins, and refuse the poisons....set your mind free.

Monday, 3 April 2017

Christian in the Counselling Room

Text Box: The Christian In The Counselling Room.
Are you a counsellor? Are you a counsellor and a Christian?
Do you work, or, have you worked with Clients who are Christian?
Would you like to share your experience, whilst learning from others?
The Christian In The Counselling Room is a CPD workshop designed for Counsellors to be interactive and informative.  What are our experiences, and how do they shape us as counsellors? Are our ethical principles and values challenged? How do we manage the feelings and thoughts? Where do we take them? How do I respond when my client swears, blaspheme, and condemn.  How does Rogerian Theory fit into all this?

These  are questions that you may have asked yourself as a counsellor,  who is also a Christian.  We know that the Therapy room can be an isolated environment for many counsellors, so if you think you are alone in your thoughts, you may be surprisingly enlightened.

The Workshop will be an opportunity to share, express and be supported, or in the true nature of Christianity - Fellowship……”but what if I’m not a Christian, but my client is? Can I still access this workshop”? ‘Yes of Course’, hence the title:  ‘Christian in the Counselling Room’ 

Date of workshop

Thursday  1st June 2017

Follow up session date to be arranged after the first workshop.

Cost of workshop

£65:00 (includes light refreshments) reduced fee for the follow up session.  Please note there will be a 10% cancellation fee if cancelled 24 hours before the workshop.

Time of workshop:  10a.m.  – 1pm

Please complete booking form and return by email, or send details of booking.

Thank you and I look forward to seeing you on the 1st June 2017 at 10, at the:

Village Learning Centre,

Browning Street,

Derby DE23 8DN.

There is a large free car park available for your use


Christian In The Counselling Room- Workshop Booking form

Payments to be made in advance to: Marvet Simpson

Account no:22972706 sort code:07-04-36  please use your name as reference.

Confirmation of place will be sent once payment has been received.

Please email attendance form prior to attending so that CPD Certificates can be prepared.

Name in full as you would like it to appear on your CPD


Contact Details: email:


                          Fee paid:   £65       

Date fee paid:………………………………….Reference………………………………….

Are you a Christian, or do you work with Clients who are Christians?


What do you hope to get out of this/these, workshops?


Would you be willing to engage in a role play?


Contact details:

Telephone: 07530254639

 Please be aware that it is non-denominational and therefore open to all.

Friday, 24 March 2017

The Valley Experience

Having travelled to Scotland on several occasions, one thing that stood out for me, were the winding roads that took us to the Highlands. Sometimes these roads seemed to lead into nothingness, other times we saw light, and life in the distance.  Sometimes these roads were straight, narrow, and high, other times it seemed that we had sunken into a valley, shaded with thick trees, and obscuring the light of the sky.  How dark they were, and quite uncertain. 
The valleys, though mysteriously attractive, prompted an unspoken haste to drive through them quickly.
Sometimes,  life is like a valley. What happens in a valley? more to the point what happens in your valley?
Amy, a young woman found herself in a valley. After being married for several happy years, hopelessly in love and faithfully committed to her husband, she was shocked to discover that for the last year he had been having an affair with her sister.  Amy's world was rocked, she wondered how she would get over this situation, if ever.  She realised that what she thought she had, a loyal loving caring and committed relationship was not that after all, and not only her husband, but the father of her children had left her life in pieces. What was she to do?  She found herself in a valley, what would now be the valley of decision; and that is where we find our selves at times. 
It can be related to anything, in Amy's case it was her relationship, her marriage, her family, dedicated years of investment.  In your case it could be an unwanted pregnancy, a major geographical move, a cut off from abusive family and friendship groups,  but something you have no control over, you have been forced into that valley, and how you will get out, and what you will do is unclear, and you might think that it is up to you only; or is it really? 
The valley roads to the  Scottish Highlands, leads somewhere, they do not stop in the middle of the valley, they take you to a clearing, and will keep you in that clearing until you reach your destination.
Although you may not know the final outcome, the shadows will clear. 
King David talks about the Valley experience in Psalm 23.  I remember watching a movie as a child, where  frightened victims of war  recited those words as they walked through thick darkness, anticipating a clearing and a brighter view....."Though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not fear" (NIV).
What ever your  valley experience is, know that God will take you through to the clearing, know that He will give you  peace that surpasses your understanding  (Philippians 4:7)....He will take you, lead you, comfort you
and carry you out of the valley.