Rejection, Ostracism, exclusion, are not nice, they are unpleasant in every way, and leaves a bad taste in one's mouth, and a negative mental scar.
What do we do, when we have experienced some form of the above? recognise the hurt it causes, accept the pain, forgive, move on. Forgiving takes time, and can keep you on an emotional roller coaster, and then after that, the question is whether or not reconciliation is necessary. However the fear of being rejected again, ostracised, or excluded is there, creeping behind the wings. That is when we have to 'know when we are not wanted'.
This can be by anyone, family, community members, fellow parishioners. Sometimes it is hard to believe that this rejection can take place amongst the former and the latter, however this is true. Sometimes, there is no valid reason for rejection, it is simply a dislike of one person of another, other reasons could be feelings of threat.
Knowing when you are not wanted, is a painful acknowledgment, but it helps to put things into perspective, if you don't know you are not wanted, you will continually fight to be included, and become upset when you are not, you will wonder why another is liked or given more attention and focus than yourself, and you will relive and regurgitate the pain and hurt continually. By knowing you are not wanted, you will work towards your own self healing, acceptance and begin to move forward.
Earlier this year, I sat in a forum with family members, the meeting was unpleasant and I found myself confused and disappointed, particularly as my good intentions were met with criticism, I could not be understood, and I did not understand the mindset of others. A few hours later, I knelt before God, I struggled as to what to say, then He presented an image before me, of a woman in a black hooded cloak, miles too big for her, she began to walk and as she did so, she shed one, then two, then three cloaks, each time the cloak got brighter, and whiter, until it was glowing, and fit perfectly. I got off my knees feeling a lot more reassured that there are times when we need to shed the rejection, and embrace what lies ahead.
Jesus illustrates this in the Bible, there are two occasions when he tells His disciples to "know when they are not wanted" He said in Matthew 10:14, that "If you are not welcomed in the city, or house you visit, shake the dust off your feet and move on", what was he saying here really, simply, move on, don't waste your time and energy, don't plead and beg, don't be a chaser, or beggar; don't try to make someone love you, like you, keep you, befriend you, "know when you are not wanted".
|Keep going, even when you feel broken|
On another occasion He went into a Village, He, our King, our Healer, and our Friend, He wasn't wanted because He didn't quite meet the expectations of the Villagers in Samaria, (Luke 9:51). Jesus knew when He was not wanted and though his disciples wanted to exact revenge, and vent their anger, Jesus said, 'leave it, come on. Let's go forward'
And that's what we have to do it. Leave it alone and go forward, as hard as it is to cope with the emotional mental and physical pain, that is what we have to do.
If you have ever been rejected, then you know what your rejection of another may feel like.
If you have ever been excluded or ostracised, then know what your ostracism or exclusion of others may feel like.
Of course there could be an opportunity to make good what is bad, but don't seek this if you are still being treated the same way. "Know when you are not wanted and move on".